Three Little Magic Words
It’s no secret that I have a daughter with a mind of her own and since we have just a teensy bit in common things have a way of easily turning into a fight between us. One of our favorite things to fight about has been her hair. From the time she was a baby she did NOT want me combing it and I did NOT want her looking like a homeschooled child with unkempt hair. For years I just forced her to let me do her hair when we were going somewhere and she wasn’t happy with that. Then for a while I stopped fixing her hair altogether and I wasn’t happy with that. Then I learned the three magic words. Are you ready for them? They will change your life.
“I have decided…”
One day I sat her down and said something like this, “I have decided that from now on I will do your hair. On the days I choose not to do your hair then you will be free to do it yourself.” Guess what she said?
“Ok.”
I thought, “Ok? OK??? After nine years of fighting about your hair all you can say is OK???”
Yes. Apparently she was waiting for me to be the parent, make the decision and let her know what the decision was so we could live happily ever after with nice neat hair. Every morning I do her hair and it’s like there was never a problem. Problem? What problem?? I almost can’t even remember anymore and it was only a few months ago that I figured this out.
“I have decided…”
You should try it some time. It works on all kinds of things with children of all ages.
“I’ve decided that you’re too sick to go to Grandma’s house with Daddy.”
“I’ve decided that we aren’t going to listen to that kind of music in our home.”
“I’ve decided that you are going to have a shower tonight instead of a bath.”
They don’t need to know why (although sometimes I will tell them why if I feel it is appropriate). They just need to know that I’m the parent and that it’s my job to make decisions that will benefit the whole family. Children argue because they know they can change our minds. Once they figure out they can’t then they are smart enough to give up. If your child hasn’t stopped arguing yet then they still think they can change your mind and they are probably right.
You have to decide, REALLY decide with unshakable firmness, before your children will believe you and then they will be so happy they have a parent they can trust and depend on to make good decisions and you will be happy to be that parent.
P.S. My children are allowed to disagree appropriately and they are learning how to do that when they feel they need to.
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