How To Set Limits For a One Year Old
Chess Club at the library used to be a fun time for the whole family. Muscles 11, Persistence 9 and Lovely 4 played chess while I sat and read a book. Sweetness 1 was happy to play at my feet with a toy or a pile of board books. Until she wasn’t.
She got older and got new ideas and a new plan. Her new plan was to terrorize the library and wear me out. She went from the board books to the videos to the pencil jar to the leaflet wall, pulling down everything she could reach and running off to the make the next mess while I cleaned up the last. This was not fun for me. It was my turn to get a new plan.
The Plan
I needed time-outs but how? We have been doing time-outs for months at home and they work like magic. She doesn’t touch my laptop, she stays out of the bathrooms and she leaves my cell phone alone. She reorganizes everything else in the house but she knows what’s allowed and what’s not because of time-outs.
Time-out at home was in a portable crib in a room nearby. I thought there was no way to do time-out at the library. What was I going to do? Strap her in her stroller and let her cry and disrupt everyone? At home she serves her sentence quietly because she knows the routine but when we first started she screamed like her life was going to end. I didn’t think I could make everyone else in the library suffer through the learning curve until one day I decided I might snap if I didn’t.
The Business of Time-Outs
First I made boundaries and then I taught her to stay in them. At home she is allowed to explore as long as she leaves just a few things alone. How was I going to explain to her that at the library she couldn’t touch anything except the pile of books and toys I gave her? There would be mutiny.
In our library there is a large room without a door which I decided to make our base camp. There are a few tall tables with computers on them and a few soft chairs to sit on but nothing else to get it to. It was perfect. She can run around all she likes, play with the books and toys I give her and the other chldren that come and go. But my rule is this and I have to be very clear on it: If she puts one little toe out of that room then she goes to time out for one minute.
The first time I strapped her in her stroller she cried for about five seconds. It was not the big deal I thought it would be. The first day she went to time out ten times in one hour and I was exhausted but I was not giving up. The next week she only went five times and the next week once. Now Sweetness is a pleasure to take to the library. I can sit and read a book or visit with friends and she can play and have fun without destroying property. That is the key to parenting happy children. She can have all the fun she wants within the limits I set. Children without limits are not happy and neither is anyone around them.
A Chair and a Happy Baby
This experience at the library has brought our time-outs to a whole new level. Once Sweetness got the hang of being strapped in her stroller I didn’t have to strap her in anymore, then I could put her on a chair. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to go anywhere and do anything while still being able to set limits for my one year old.
Patience
I started calling my baby Sweetness when she was born but now that we have gotten to know her better she is ready for a more descriptive blog name. Welcome to the family Patience! You have always been a joy to my mother’s heart and you always will be.
More Reading
What to Do When Time Outs Don’t Work
Photos
The color photos; we have three little time out chairs. I put one right by me wherever I am and set her on it so I don’t forget about her because putting a baby in time out and leaving her there till she wanders off to play isn’t very effective. Ask me how I know.
The black and white photos - When children start coming out of chess club Patience runs to the very edge of the carpet to wait for one of them to come get her. If they forget about her she cries big alligator tears which works every time because who can resist a sweet, patient baby with such a broken heart?
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November 15th, 2009 at
Works great until they kick us out of our perfect library room. I hope they don’t make that a habit!
Lara says: If they do then we won’t be going to chess club anymore. Last week was a nightmare.
November 15th, 2009 at
Comments are back on? Woohoo! I am going to try this with my 4 yr old. I hope it’s not too late. She seems to think she can do everything the 9 yr old and up can do – not so. I think everyone will be happier when she and I get it figured out.
Lara says: Limits and time outs are so magical that it is never too late. Let me know how it goes!
November 15th, 2009 at
I have 6 children and I use the “stool method”. Originally, we began using the stool because no matter what, they would get up from their time out spots (and apparently we were not being taken seriously). The stool is just a simple round bar stool and being up that high was impossible to get down from, making running away from time out a thing of the past. My children receive one minute per year old when they receive a time out punishment and an additional two minutes if it is something they have already been warned and punished about before. They since are able to climb up and down on their own.
I enjoy spending quality time with my kids rather than corralling chaos simply because someone is not using their listening ears or following the rules. Life is so much easier when boundaries are set and we clearly define what is expected from our children. Thanks for all of your great advice.
November 15th, 2009 at
I’ll have to try this with my 3 year old – I really don’t like taking him to the library. My girls just decided to quit gymnastics so maybe I can start going to chess club with you guys. Do you still meet people there?
November 16th, 2009 at
That little girl is so stinkin cute I can’t handle it!
November 16th, 2009 at
I think Patience is a perfect name for her. What a beautiful, patient little girl!
November 16th, 2009 at
I started writing a comment, and it started getting really long, so I turned it into a blog post. You can click my name, and read it if you’d like.
November 16th, 2009 at
Impressive, having the comments on!
What happened last week at the library?
November 16th, 2009 at
Boundaries…
I just read this post here on The Lazy Organizer, and started writing my response, and well, it just kept going, so I thought I would make it a blog post instead. Michelle Duggar teaches her young kids to stay on a blanket (they practice at home first…
November 17th, 2009 at
Execllent! You should change “bid” to “big” here though!
It was not the bid deal I thought it would be.
Your kids sound like great people in training and so do you!